Silvia Club of NSW

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 Post subject: Budget Cuts OMFG!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 12:32 pm 
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Twin T51
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:39 pm
Posts: 1011
Location: At your house =P
Car: 180sx RB26DETT
DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE POLICY

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008 NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 12:34 pm 
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Moderator
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Joined: Mon Feb 03, 2003 10:19 pm
Posts: 16498
Car: Skoda Octavia RS
Real Name: Iain
ROFL! i like that

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:24 pm 
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T03

Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:36 pm
Posts: 137
Location: Sydney
Car: 1998 200sx S14a
hehe i got that one forwarded from a mate via work emails,
also has pictures of a cardboard office and everthing else is made with cardboard too even the chair
lol


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 12:46 am 
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T28 Hybrid

Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:52 pm
Posts: 94
Car: 180sx
that was hilarious. esp the lunch break. lol


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 6:47 am 
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T04 Hybrid
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Joined: Fri Nov 24, 2006 1:34 pm
Posts: 250
Location: Central Coast, NSW
Car: Zenki S14
OMG, you work at the same company as me???! :lol:

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Silvias? theyre like cheap t**i hookers, too many of em around and theyve been thrashed hard


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