Silvia Club of NSW

Why drive when you can drift?
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 Post subject: If you're bored....
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 4:10 pm 
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Twin T51
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Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2005 12:47 pm
Posts: 1011
Location: Broken Hill
Car: freakin' mirage
good for a laugh, I want the porcupine seat covers! http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=index

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AWD Kit $450.99
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Been unsatisfied with the monster torque steer in your front wheel drive luxury car? Been annoyed by the rear end of your new high powered sports car sliding out in the rain and snow? Jealous of those folks with the big spoilers and pink performance parts? Let's face it: Only AWD cars have good handling. (Just ask anyone with an AWD performance vehicle.) To overcome the shortcomings of many otherwise nice vehicles, KaleCoAuto has developed this system! The lug-pulleys bolt directly to the wheel studs! If you can change a tire, you can install this kit. Please refrain from making left or right turns once this kit is installed. To enjoy the added handling benefits of AWD with this kit, is important that the steering wheel remains perfectly centered

.....................................................................................................
A doctor was holding a new baby that he had just delivered.

The baby looked up at him and said, "Are you my father?"

The doctor said, "No, I am the doctor that delivered you." Then the doctor handed the baby to the nurse.

While the nurse was cleaning the baby the baby looked at the nurse and said, "Are you my father?"

The nurse said, "No, I am just the nurse." Then the nurse gave the baby to the new father.

The baby looked at him and said, "Are you my father?"

The new father said proudly, "Yes! I am your father."

Then the baby started poking his father in the forehead over and over again and said, "So how do YOU like it?!"

.....................................................................................................

Two guys are drinking in a bar.

One says, 'Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?'

'BUGGER!' says his friend. 'And I just joined Rotary.....

..............................................................................


"This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy
should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word
Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the
customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired;
however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for
"Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect
Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these
conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden
the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't
accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: ! "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean
way over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right
angle
-- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only
light I
have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got
it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that
your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack
it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"

.............................................................................................


Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ralph.'

Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be!
I've got too much to live for. Send me back!
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm Near
his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and
pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh?
How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange F eeling
inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ralph.




'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the

Back of his head, and heard his wife shout.....

'Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!'

_________________
My other ride is your mum.

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