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 Post subject: Man laws
PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:10 am 
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The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limit s forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 : It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11 : Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12 : Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13 Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14 If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15 : Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.

16 : A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17 : Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18 : If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19 : Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20 : Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

21 : Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

22 : Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

23 : The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

24 : It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

25 : Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

26 : The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 2 and some porn . End of story.

27 : There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

28 : We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

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The Golf is like an 16-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her.


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 Post subject: Re: Man laws
PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:17 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:12 am
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Location: 127.0.0.1
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BT wrote:
25 : Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.


Crap.

31 powah!


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:39 am 
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Car: Skoda Octavia RS
Real Name: Iain
ROFL! i love it

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:42 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:43 pm
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Location: Sydeny
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Yeah nice :D

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 9:28 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 06, 2006 11:43 pm
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Car: 180SX
Quote:
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue


that'll rule out all the tuned vtec's then :lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:17 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 2:41 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Sydney
Car: S15
PM me when the jokes arrive.

That lot was about as funny as cancer

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 8:46 am 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 8:24 am
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^^ Obviously a feminist on her rags...

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The Golf is like an 16-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:22 pm
Posts: 1958
Location: Sydney
Car: XR4
lol, thats hilarious! i love the "guts" and "balls" description!


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 8:03 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:28 pm
Posts: 550
Location: Richmond
Car: s14a
it wasnt all funny some was just stupid and hey i drive a sorta skyblue colour car!!!


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